#1
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.” The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and half.” The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, “Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn’t ever come back.”
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, “So where does that guy go when he leaves?”
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, “Your house!”
#2
One night the old soldier gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's ICU, tubes up his nose and down his throat, wires monitoring every function all around his head, with a hell of a pain over his left ear and a drop dead gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident.
She looked deep & steadily into his eyes and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
He managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your boobs, then?"
