I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up sever inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran of love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play blue grass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, and I'm the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't prespire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won weekend passes. Last summer, I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration team. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangments have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfiled in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in my local grocery store. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week, when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation to Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in san Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremilin. I've played hamlet, I have perofrmed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis. But, for now, I'm active duty Air Force!
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chieftd Proudly serving my country since 1977.
Aim High-Air Force, 61 countries visited and still counting....