100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

OK Jack Black Jack Black , my official entry :)

My dear late Uncle, was a very cool and devout man. He was a major influence in my life and of my 4 siblings. (The guy loved kids. He, near 40, much to the despair of us kids, married high school sweetheart with 5 kids of her own and then they went on and had 6 more. :eek: This is NOT my joke. :confused:)

Anyway - Uncle often sent us off to sleep with stories. Classics such as Call of The Wild, Robinson Crusoe, among others - yes - these story sessions would go on for weeks and months ;). One night that I will never forget he settles my brother and I into bed with promise of his next story.

"Tonight I can't stay long", he says, "so I will tell you a short story - a DIRTY story" :eek: UNNNCCLE - my brother and I were completely enthralled with the potential of the unimaginable - a dirty story :cool:

Uncle - "A white horse fell in the mud."

;)

I didn't sleep a wink. :)
 
Traveling salesman goes up to the door and rings the doorbell. The door is answered by a 7-year-old kid wearing a silk robe way too big for him, with a glass of Scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other.

“Little boy is your mother or father at home?”

“What the **** do you think?”

I’m in.
 
tongueriver said:
I hope that images are OK? They can be funny. This one is actually true.View attachment 1306344
Click to expand...

More than welcome Lee :D :) :thumbsup:

Henry Beige said:
Traveling salesman goes up to the door and rings the doorbell. The door is answered by a 7-year-old kid wearing a silk robe way too big for him, with a glass of Scotch in one hand and a cigar in the other.

“Little boy is your mother or father at home?”

“What the **** do you think?”

I’m in.
Click to expand...

:D :thumbsup:
 
Economic Models Explained with Cows

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters
of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to
a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United
States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market
it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and
milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone in the world.........thinks you have lots of cows..
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
 
A passenger touches a taxi driver's shoulder to ask him a question. The taxi driver screams loses control of the car, almost crashes into a truck, climbs the sidewalk and enters a window inside, breaking the glass into pieces. For a moment, nothing is heard inside the taxi until finally, the taxi driver says: - Look, friend, don't do that again! It almost killed me with the scare! The passenger apologizes and says: - I never thought I was going to be so scared just because I touched him on the shoulder. The taxi driver answers: - What happens is that today is my first day as a taxi driver - And what were you doing before? - I drove a funeral cart for 25 years.;)
 
The French Leader got a coded message from the (xxxx) Administration.
It read: S370HSSV-0773H
The French were stumped and sent for the French Information Agency.
The FIA was stumped too, so it went to the Russians.
The Russians couldn't solve it either, so they asked the Germans.
The Germans, having received this same message during WWII from the Americans, suggested turning it upside down ...
 
Once upon a time, there was an island named Mersey. And this island was famous principally for one thing: a tea made from Koalas. Fred had heard about this tea back home, and decided to go to Mersey on his next vacation. When the time came, Fred flew there and asked the cab driver in the capital city to take him to a good restaurant where he could taste this famous delicacy. He arrived at the restaurant and ordered the tea, which was promptly brought to him. As he was stirring in some sugar, he found a small bone in the tea. He removed it, and resumed stirring, but then found a tuft of fur. "Waiter!", he furiously called. "Yes, sir?" "I found a bone and some fur in my tea!" "Sir", the waiter replied, "the Koala tea of Mersey is not strained!"

[Edit: some knowledge of Shakespeare required--bad pun on a famous line from The Merchant of Venice. :p]
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top