Arthur the aardsnark!

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A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and to send you kids to a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The boy replied: "Yes. 'Potentially,' you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically,' we're living with two hookers and a future congressman or Governor."
 
An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
 
I was going to do a word of the day, but i was overwhelmed with the amount of these words i never heard before...

Top 10 sophisticated insults.

Insipid
Twee
Fatuous
Sanctimonious
Vacuous
Unctuous
Craven
Pusillanimous
obstreperous
Obtuse

And here are 10 crazy weird words, despite having definitions some of these are not noticed by spell check.

Bumfuzzle
Cattywampus
Gardyloo
Taradiddle
Billingsgate
Snickersnee
Widdershins
Collywobbles
Gubbins
Diphthong

So while i was going to do a word of the day, the fact is i ran into a bunch of words i didnt know and looked them all up, but thats too much to put here, so you can choose a word yourself out the list LMAO
 
710 said:
Hahahaha SHEhawks!
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Richard SHErman with the game winning tip!:D
What a great game between two great teams.
It really felt like this one could have gone either way.
Hats off to the 9'ers on a great season.
GO HAWKS!!

 
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
 
OK last one....

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."
 
C'mon, now....who wouldn't want this?:
(Ka-Bar's new designer/collaborator)
10107218516_3fd9ae56b1_b.jpg


Luckily, I'm reasonably sure it's entirely out of the orbit of my income/lifestyle bracket. So, I feel pretty secure that I won't be buying one. That's one thing I really, reallydon't like about knives. They are all conspiring to coerce you into buying more of them. Sneaky bastards.
 
That is nice, but i think i heard him say it would most likely just be his fixed blade designs that Kabar does... I may be wrong though.
 
worldwood said:
OK last one....

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."
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Reminds me of a couple people I knew back in college (in WV).
 
worldwood said:
:) hey do you see the sheath it comes with?


Looks like we ALL will need a new sheath too LMAO
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yeah. Looks like the same sheath that comes with the grass machete, just in tan instead of black.



worldwood said:
A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and to send you kids to a great university!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh good heavens! I LOVE Brad Pitt and I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. Are you nuts?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The boy replied: "Yes. 'Potentially,' you and I are sitting on three million dollars, but 'realistically,' we're living with two hookers and a future congressman or Governor."
Click to expand...

That's a good one.


So seahawks and broncos are going to the superbowl. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
 
Just realized that today is MLK day and I don't have to head to work til midnight Tuesday morning!!! Also, ill get paid for a whole day, bit only work half of one!! My week just got a whole lot better.

I believe I will go fishing in the morning now!!
 
ac700wildcat said:
Just realized that today is MLK day and I don't have to head to work til midnight Tuesday morning!!! Also, ill get paid for a whole day, bit only work half of one!! My week just got a whole lot better.

I believe I will go fishing in the morning now!!
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I hate you right now. Id love to go fishing.

But instead, the kids are out of school so i have to play daddy.
 
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