favorite quotes or analogies

Life is hard. It is alot harder when you're stupid.
I am not a very good shot, but this gun uses really big bullets. (Hellboy)
(When looking at girls) Good from far but far from good. (Posted earlier, I know)
He just got handed a shit sandwhich (Re work)
 
"It's a great backup plan, but I wouldn't want to rely on it"

"Time is the only thing preventing everything from happening all at once"

"A fool with a tool is still a fool"

"What the f*ck are we doing?...more questions to follow"

"It's a circus without a tent"

"He/she was like King Kong in a toothpick cage"

"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man" (the Simpsons)

"He can't think with his mouth closed"

"Good intentions aren't enough to get the job done"

"The equivalent of a sparrow fart in the midst of a typhoon"

"Do...or do not....there is no try" (Yoda)

"It was like trying to push sand uphill"
 
This house is so small you can't swing a cat by the tail without getting fur in your mouth.
 
Sympathy can be found in the dictionary; it's between shit and syphilis.

A closed mind constipates the bowels of progress.
 
"Its like trying to herd cats." - unknown

"Its a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear" - (Cheers) Norm



KR
 
On Stupidity: "When a finger points at the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger"

"A fools bolt is soon shot"

On Big Mouths: "The empty kettle makes the most noise"
 
The height of stupidity is doing the same thing twice and expecting different results.
 
My grandfather: "Use your head fer something besides a hat rack!"

My grandfather: (when asked why he didn't drink anything with his dinner):
"It makes garabage out of your food."
(I still don't know what that meant? but its funny.)

-Useless as tits on a BoarHog.

-He was sharp as a wheel.

-Drop your cocks and grab your socks.

-Slick as owl shit.

-Beauty is skin deep, but UGLY is ALL THE WAY THROUGH!

-Faster than a scalded cat.

-A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

-Had to piss like a Russian Race Horse.

-I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

-Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

-I like taking photos. One of my best is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car.

-I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and three people died.

Johnny Carson had a ton of em'
Zsa Zsa Gabor brought her cat onto the set, asked Johnnny if he wanted to pet her pussy, he said "Yeah, if you can move the cat."

Winston Churchill:
Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

“I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”
 
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
 
Here are a few Australian ones

He's a few kangaroos short in the top paddock.

I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger

Up sh*t creek in a barbed wire canoe

Flat out like a lizard drinking

Lower than a snake's belly
 
"She's so gorgeous, I'd low-crawl through hell in a gasoline suit just to hear her fart through a field telephone." ... I remember that from a Vietnam novel called "Tiger the Lurp Dog."

*psst* SkunkWerx you owe me a beer for dup'ing “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” :D
 
You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig

lipstickPig.jpg


D@mn, I've cut it three times, and it's still too short.

Experience is recognizing a mistake the instant you repeat it
 
He's so stupid, he couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice......
 
GibsonFan said:
"She's so gorgeous, I'd low-crawl through hell in a gasoline suit just to hear her fart through a field telephone." ... I remember that from a Vietnam novel called "Tiger the Lurp Dog."

*psst* SkunkWerx you owe me a beer for dup'ing “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” :D
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Hope you like DogFishHead Imperial IPA 90s :thumbup:

http://www.dogfish.com/brewings/Year_Round_Beers/90_Minute_IPA/11/index.htm

http://www.ratebeer.com/Ratings/Beer/Beer-Ratings.asp?BeerID=10569
 
"I'm happier than a faggot on a dick tree."

"Sir, you suck one dick and you're a fag forever."

"this space looks like hammered dog shit"
(usually refering to an engineering compartment where tools and machine parts were strewn about.)

"what to you do if your wife yells at you in the livingroom...the damn chain from the kitchen is too long...shorten it!"

-My crusty old Machnist Mate's Chief
 
"They were like vultures on a dead dingo" -- HR Recruiter, referring to an interview :)

- Mark
 
MORIMOTOM said:
"some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. i say the glass is too big." george carlin
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"To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be!" Can't remember where I heard that one.
 
Lift with your back not your legs.
I don't make fun of people. I exploit the fun others offer.
 
RescueRiley said:
favorite quotes or analogies?
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This quote seems appropriate in the Wilderness and Survival Skills forum: "Two is one, and one is none." Speaks to the need for building in redundancy, perhaps not so much for wilderness planning but definitely for survival planning.

Andy
 
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