The guy hasn't "thieved" you. Did he ever explicitly explain to you that deposits were refundable? Because it seems to me his clear statement in that email from him is that deposits are NOT refundable.
Also, you keeeeeep miiiiisssssssing the POINT. You are clearly a terrible customer, and you just don't get it. The guy cut you, because you were wasting his time. That you find no fault in your actions, tells everyone here all we need to know. It's clear you were an insane level of hassle for the maker, so he cut you loose. Let me ask you, do you like when people tell you how to do your job? What if you were doing some complicated task, and someone came to you and said "Oh hey, while you're there, could you change this, that, and this other thing?" You'd be cool, right? Even if it meant significant additional work, where you had to backtrack and redo something? You'd be cool with it, right?
Right?
Good luck.
I'm not a knifemaker, nor do I make a physical product, but I do make my living on contracts doing work for hire (I'm a designer and programmer). ALL of my contracts start with half up-front, non-refundable, usually with the balance due upon completion.
I've only had to fire a client mid-project once, and withold the desposit when they asked for it to be refunded (they'd already consumed more than half of the budgeted hours on the project through bad management and waffling around feature spec after it'd been approved *much like the scenario being discussed in this thread). Honestly, that's exactly what a deposit is
for.
If you're working with a specialist in any capacity to build you something custom, that's inexorably a commitment to enter into a collaborative process, and
both sides bear some responsibility to stick to the outlined and agreed upon procedures and protocols. If one member of the agreement is being disruptive, and sabotaging the process, then it's fully legitimate, to my mind, for the other party to terminate the agreement, and retain compensation for the time they've spent on the work.
If you want dollars to only equal a delivered product, then buy something off the shelf. If you want something anything custom, in this world, you become a
client not just a
customer because you're not just receiving a product; you're soliciting ongoing consultation and services from a skilled professional. That's inherently collaborative, and thus you have a responsibility to positively influence the process, lest you waste the other person's time and money, as well as your own.