Tradewater

I was just thinking about this thread the other day. Glad it got floated back to the surface.:D
 
The man can burp, fart and go off simultaneously in the sack, much to the consternation of the Mrs.
 
One fine, fall afternoon, a younger Tradewater was sitting peacefully whittling on a piece of cedar, just enjoying the weather and the scenery (obviously pre-wedded bliss days) when a man came by looking distressed. Being the neighborly person he is known for, Trade asked what was the matter? After exchanging names, the young man explained he had an appointment with some acquaintances but had forgotten his favorite knife with which he liked to sharpen his pen nibs and did not want to be late, but also did not want to arrive "underdressed" as it were. (I'm sure many of you reading this can understand the feeling of incompleteness that can be nearly overwhelming when circumstances dictate the absence of cutting implements from your pockets)
Trade, being the fine person he is, offered up both his carving knife and a piece of sage advice (for he does not know how to give any other kind) "watch your footing on those sandbars, Jim, it's easy to slip if you're not careful."
Jim, however, did not heed this advice (or maybe he was just clumsy). While comparing his new knife with that of one of his acquaintances at their meeting both ended up cut. This seemed to be a pattern over the next 10 years of his life.

The last time they met, Trade was upset about the lack of cedar trees to carve (because western cedar is one of the finest carving wood around) and so was moving to Colorado to work on his rock collection (and possibly hunt some yeti).
Jim was upset about resistance to a proposed zoning change in his area and to top it off was feeling poorly (he ate the fish at a campaign dinner).
Trade noticed he was still carrying that old whittling knife and out of sentimentality suggested Jim appeal to a higher power for advice down at the mission.
Jim took him up on this suggestion, but alas it was too late -- shortly after he got to the mission, while Jim was debating with some others about the zoning change, he got a bit too excited, his fever overcame him and he died.



The rest, as you know, is history -- by which I mean, the cedar forests in Texas have not recovered yet, Rock collecting became an overnight sensation in Colorado, and Colorado quickly ran out of Yeti. (OTOH the zoning change Jim was worried about happened, some say in honor of his tireless campaigning)
 
When the Commandments were wrote, Trade done the spell check.......

Moose
 
When astronauts first went to the moon they were surprised to find Trade already there smoking a pipe. One of them clearly remembers him saying 'that wasn't much of a space race' before he wandered off.

minds were boggled.
 
That mysterious doughnut shop deep in the woods I'm always talking about, they would give Trade the discount even if he didn't have a 9.
 
Having lost faith in the U.S., Israel now turns to Trade as their "Nuclear Deterrent".

Obama is pushing to deport Trade stating that his gaze is dangerous to officers wearing bulletproof vests.

The movie Pooty Tang was actually a documentary on Trade before normal humans were able to decipher his words.

[video=youtube;F29OdRpmbvg]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F29OdRpmbvg[/video]
 
Trade walked into the middle of a an open lot one day, and ordered a drink. Within a day, the community erected a beautiful bar around Trade. Calmly standing at the new hardwood bar, Trade once again repeated his request for a drink. The bartender poured him a double shot. Trade downed the shot, and promptly burned the bar to the ground, stating as he walked away from the burning building..........

"Always leave'em how you found'em......"

:D

Moose
 
Moosez45 said:
Trade walked into the middle of a an open lot one day, and ordered a drink. Within a day, the community erected a beautiful bar around Trade. Calmly standing at the new hardwood bar, Trade once again repeated his request for a drink. The bartender poured him a double shot. Trade downed the shot, and promptly burned the bar to the ground, stating as he walked away from the burning building..........

"Always leave'em how you found'em......"

:D

Moose
Click to expand...

Trade's real name is Bill Brasky. And I'm wearing a diaper.
 
Trade, I understand you would rather this thread fade away. I for one respect your wishes. So I will do what ever I can to keep this from page one.
Just looking out for you Buddy,
 
Tradewater threw a grenade into a crowd and killed fifty people. Then it exploded.


I wanna play too. :o
 
^^Yeah man, the grenade was fine, much like Kevin Bacon in X men first class Trade just absorbed the energy into his hands then out the grenade back together.
Rumour has it that Trade uses steel cables for floss and that he trims his fingernails with a plasma cutter.
By the way I'm James.
 
Chuck Norris jokes are actually true stories from Trade's life watered down to seem more believable.
 
bigghoss said:
Chuck Norris jokes are actually true stories from Trade's life watered down to seem more believable.
Click to expand...

Heh, this was a good one. It sparked an honest to goodness chuckle from me.

I approve of this message.

Also, I heard Tradewater tried out for Hugh Jackmans part in "Les Misérables", but was rejected because his performance was "too real".
 
Tradewater was originally slated to star in The Expendables. Straring Tradewater only.
He was unavailable due to various public speaking events, so he sent his sons to star in the movie instead....
 
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