Tradewater

[bigghoss]

Tradewater was originally slated to star in The Expendables. Straring Tradewater only.
He was unavailable due to various public speaking events, so he sent his sons to star in the movie instead....

Not all of them, obviously. Tradewater has impregnated women he hasn't even met.

 

[Noswad0208]

WW and Murph suggested that Trade likes to get down and boogie, just don't let him do it in his goatskin knickers.

 

[Bladite]

Trade so tough he doesn't need a flesh sensing table saw... blades just chip and shatter if they dare touch him.

 

[NJBillK]

Dr. Pepper says they have 23 flavors that make up their beverage but Trade has personally identified 28.

 

[Student762]

Tradewater once got a case of heart burn. We call the effects of this Krakatoa.

 

[NJBillK]

I have heard that Every Single Thing stated as a "Chuck Norris" fact is actually about Trade, but modesty is also one of Trades Many virtues, so he chose not to correct Everybody on the planet.
To this day, Chuck Norris still cries himself to sleep over this.

 

[Noswad0208]

They once made Tradewater toilet paper, but it didn't work because Tradewater doesn't take crap from anybody.

 

[Murphnuge]

Tradewater blessed the land before we broke ground at the shop.

 

[bigghoss]

Tradewater blessed the land before we broke ground at the shop.

And the shop didn't just spring up from the ground?

 

[ac700wildcat]

Tradewater counted to infinity, twice.

 

[Bladite]

Tradewater counted to infinity, twice.

infinity is still counting him

 

[dresnor]

Tradewater likes his meat so rare he only eats Unicorns and maybe Sasquatch.

Jeremy

 

[1066vik]

Sasquatch believes in Tradewater.

 

[bigghoss]

Sasquatch believes in Tradewater.

Sasquatch parents tell their sasquatch kids to behave or Tradewater will carry them off in the night.

 

[NJBillK]

Not only is Tradewater fluent in every language/dialect known, he can also speak in color.

 

[Arkanian]

Sasquatch parents tell their sasquatch kids to behave or Tradewater will carry them off in the night.

Sasquatch is actually one of Trade's turds.

 

[bigghoss]

The first BK9 was hand-crafted from one of Trade's toenail clippings. It has never needed sharpening and can cut through anything with one swing.

 

[BeeKayNutCase]

I'm seriously considering mailing you a snake.

The snake mailed itself. And the rest of its family just to make sure.

TradeWater, hating the metric system, decided that ten planets were too many. So he mercifully downgraded Pluto and destroyed Tiamat. Now there's an Asteriod Belt. Which is how Trade keeps his pants up.

The Hulk is Trades demented and physically disabled twin brother.

TradeWater bursts through Alien chests..

..and he once did a turd that climbed Mt. Everest at the age of 21. It's name is Bear Grylls..

 

[mchipman]

..and he once did a turd that climbed Mt. Everest at the age of 21. It's name is Bear Grylls..

and Trade weaned it on his pee

 

[Jonny1280]

The devil went down to Barlow, he was looking for a soul to steal...
Tradewater smashed a fiddle into the devils face and then drank some beer.
That's pretty much the end of the story.