- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
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Glad to know he and you know us men.
-
The BladeForums.com 2024 Traditional Knife is ready to order! See this thread for details: https://www.bladeforums.com/threads/bladeforums-2024-traditional-knife.2003187/
Price is$300$250 ea (shipped within CONUS). If you live outside the US, I will contact you after your order for extra shipping charges.
Order here: https://www.bladeforums.com/help/2024-traditional/ - Order as many as you like, we have plenty.
Clean jokes...
- Thread starter Gary W. Graley
- Start date
- Status
annr
Basic Member
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2006
- Messages
- 9,781
Not my title, prose or poetry. Don't know why he wrote it.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Now back to the jokes, this one is true.
After being married 25 years, a man looked at his wife one day and said, "You know, 25 years ago we lived in a cheap apartment, drove a cheap car, had only a sofa bed and watched a 14" black and white television. BUT, every night I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde."
"Now," he continued, "We have a nice house, a new car, a big flat-screen TV, but I have to sleep with a 50 year old woman. It doesn't seem fair."
His wife was a reasonable woman. She replied, "Well, why don't you go out and get yourself a hot 25 year old blonde? Then I'll make sure you will once again live in a cheap apartment, drive a cheap car, have only a sofa bed and watch a 14" black and white television."
The man rethought his priorities.
After being married 25 years, a man looked at his wife one day and said, "You know, 25 years ago we lived in a cheap apartment, drove a cheap car, had only a sofa bed and watched a 14" black and white television. BUT, every night I got to sleep with a hot 25 year old blonde."
"Now," he continued, "We have a nice house, a new car, a big flat-screen TV, but I have to sleep with a 50 year old woman. It doesn't seem fair."
His wife was a reasonable woman. She replied, "Well, why don't you go out and get yourself a hot 25 year old blonde? Then I'll make sure you will once again live in a cheap apartment, drive a cheap car, have only a sofa bed and watch a 14" black and white television."
The man rethought his priorities.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Why I'm Tired
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Bin Laden. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. AnnR and me. And where is AnnR , at her computer, reading jokes.
Nice, real nice.
For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.
140 million are retired.
That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Bin Laden. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work. AnnR and me. And where is AnnR , at her computer, reading jokes.
Nice, real nice.
annr
Basic Member
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2006
- Messages
- 9,781
And making reeds.
Fortunately I can multi-task.
--sorta.whoa---who typed in that last joke, Jim? Multi-tasking too?
:thumbup:Speaking of multi-tasking, I'm also cooking rice, I think I smell it burning..........
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- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Children and Childbirth
The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them.
Despite the difficulties, all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry.
Looking over at the wide eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, "That naughty boy should have never crawled in there. Spank him again!"
The baby was coming way too fast so the paramedics were called. To make it worse, when they arrived, there was a power outage. The paramedics asked the four year old sister to hold the flashlight for them.
Despite the difficulties, all went well and the mother delivered a baby boy. The paramedic smacked him on the behind and he began to cry.
Looking over at the wide eyed little girl, the paramedic asked her what she thought about what she had just witnessed. She said, "That naughty boy should have never crawled in there. Spank him again!"
Ebbtide
Gold Member
- Joined
- Aug 20, 1999
- Messages
- 7,951
Similar situation in the Ozarks.
No power, husband holding the light for the Doctor.
Baby comes out and the Doc sez "Its a boy" and hands the baby over to the waiting midwife.
"Hold on, I see another head...Another boy!"
Congrats all around...and the Doc sez:
"Wait a minute, one more!"
The worried father pulls the Doctor aside and asks
"Do you think they're attracted to the light?"
No power, husband holding the light for the Doctor.
Baby comes out and the Doc sez "Its a boy" and hands the baby over to the waiting midwife.
"Hold on, I see another head...Another boy!"
Congrats all around...and the Doc sez:
"Wait a minute, one more!"
The worried father pulls the Doctor aside and asks
"Do you think they're attracted to the light?"
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
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- 7,012
I'd Like to See That
"Oh, boy! I'm glad you're here," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
"What trick?"
"Well, he told Mommy that if you came to visit, he would climb the walls."
"Oh, boy! I'm glad you're here," the little boy said to his grandmother on his mother's side.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because now Daddy will do the trick he's been promising us."
"What trick?"
"Well, he told Mommy that if you came to visit, he would climb the walls."
timcsaw
Gold Member
- Joined
- Sep 25, 2007
- Messages
- 21,442
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location w hich he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have
exactly 1,586 cows and calves'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government',
says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct, ' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . .
Now give me back my dog.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?'
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, Why not?'
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location w hich he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have
exactly 1,586 cows and calves'
'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?'
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?'
'You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government',
says Bud.
'Wow! That's correct, ' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?'
'No guessing required.' answered the cowboy. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . .
Now give me back my dog.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
That was a good one Timcsaw
Nostalgia
Although some of us are TOO YOUNG to remember these things it does bring back memories!!!
Some of these have been around before - but when you're 'older than dirt' a touch of nostalgia is a welcome reprieve from the 'modern' world, and if you're not - well...
"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home,' " I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it.
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. I guess he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we had never heard of soccer.
I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine." I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
Steam irons didn't exist yet. Instead Mom used to sprinkle water on the clothes with an old Royal Crown Cola bottle which had a cork with holes in it for the cap.
Gas was only $0.25 per gallon, and you got real service when you filled the tank. Head lights dimmer switches were on the floor, and radial tires were new.
Ice boxes had real ice in them. Lemonade was made from real lemons, too. Coca Cola was an elixer. Drinking was outlawed.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.
All just memories now, I remember way back, but recent events escape me.
Nostalgia
Although some of us are TOO YOUNG to remember these things it does bring back memories!!!
Some of these have been around before - but when you're 'older than dirt' a touch of nostalgia is a welcome reprieve from the 'modern' world, and if you're not - well...
"Hey Dad," one of my kids asked the other day, "What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?"
"We didn't have fast food when I was growing up," I informed him. "All the food was slow."
"C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?"
"It was a place called 'at home,' " I explained. "Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it."
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it.
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. I guess he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we had never heard of soccer.
I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed (slow).
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.
I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called "pizza pie." When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a "machine." I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.
Steam irons didn't exist yet. Instead Mom used to sprinkle water on the clothes with an old Royal Crown Cola bottle which had a cork with holes in it for the cap.
Gas was only $0.25 per gallon, and you got real service when you filled the tank. Head lights dimmer switches were on the floor, and radial tires were new.
Ice boxes had real ice in them. Lemonade was made from real lemons, too. Coca Cola was an elixer. Drinking was outlawed.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren.
All just memories now, I remember way back, but recent events escape me.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Apologizes to Blonds everywhere.
A blond and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blond bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blond gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blond said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blond replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
A blond and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blond bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blond gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blond said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blond replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2001
- Messages
- 2,033
It is silly tyo talk of 50 in that way, even 60, but, I am afraid that after 70 it is all too true!
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- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Hey, AG, I am not that far from that being an absolute truth, my wife already accuses me of it.
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- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
There will be no nursing home in my future...
Nope... I'm going to live on a Cruise Ship year round! The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations, and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which I estimate at only $10 per day.
2. I will have as many meals a day as I want, as long as I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service. The best part is that they're good meals. None of that cardboard stuff I've seen my old friends eating. Breakfast in bed every day of the week, hmmmm.
3. Cruise ships have as many as three or four swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, a casino, movies and shows every night.
Room service every day Retirement Joke
4. They often have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips should have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare.
If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship they will likely upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And, the best for last!
10. I get to see Alaska, South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, etc., etc. Don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
Nope... I'm going to live on a Cruise Ship year round! The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations, and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which I estimate at only $10 per day.
2. I will have as many meals a day as I want, as long as I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service. The best part is that they're good meals. None of that cardboard stuff I've seen my old friends eating. Breakfast in bed every day of the week, hmmmm.
3. Cruise ships have as many as three or four swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, a casino, movies and shows every night.
Room service every day Retirement Joke
4. They often have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5. They even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips should have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. TV broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare.
If you fall and break a hip on the cruise ship they will likely upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.
And, the best for last!
10. I get to see Alaska, South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, etc., etc. Don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P.S. And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Why you shouldn't respond to chain messages. . .
If you send this message off to 20 people within the next 4 days, and each of them send this letter off to 20 other people within 4 days...
In 40 days, approximately 10 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet.
From day 40 to day 44, an additional 200 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 50 trillion messages per day.
From day 44 to 48, an additional 4,000 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 1,000 trillion messages a day, 41.7 trillion messages per hour, 694 billion messages per minute, or 11.6 billion messages per second.
Of course, the Internet will have ground to a complete halt way before then, and a good thing too, because by day 44 (assuming each man, woman and child in the world is tied to the Internet) you would have to respond to about 2 chain mail letters per second, sending off 20 responses each second, giving you 5/100 of a second to send each message. If you drop the ball, you will break about 1,800,000 chain letters per day, bringing almost two million times the bad luck upon yourself than if you broke the first chain letter to begin with.
The logical conclusion? It is better to break the initial chain letter and receive one dose of bad luck than to continue the chain letter, and by day 44, receive 1,800,000 doses of bad luck.
I knew one poor fellow who ended up in such a circumstance. He ended up having 287,345 heart attacks, losing 5,137 wives, got fired from at least 100,000 jobs, and was run over by a truck. His Visa card was also revoked. Nobody liked him anymore. Finally, he resigned to the idea of not dying, and was immediately hit by a meteorite and vaporized. But his cells went on to experience even more bad luck.
If you send this message off to 20 people within the next 4 days, and each of them send this letter off to 20 other people within 4 days...
In 40 days, approximately 10 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet.
From day 40 to day 44, an additional 200 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 50 trillion messages per day.
From day 44 to 48, an additional 4,000 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 1,000 trillion messages a day, 41.7 trillion messages per hour, 694 billion messages per minute, or 11.6 billion messages per second.
Of course, the Internet will have ground to a complete halt way before then, and a good thing too, because by day 44 (assuming each man, woman and child in the world is tied to the Internet) you would have to respond to about 2 chain mail letters per second, sending off 20 responses each second, giving you 5/100 of a second to send each message. If you drop the ball, you will break about 1,800,000 chain letters per day, bringing almost two million times the bad luck upon yourself than if you broke the first chain letter to begin with.
The logical conclusion? It is better to break the initial chain letter and receive one dose of bad luck than to continue the chain letter, and by day 44, receive 1,800,000 doses of bad luck.
I knew one poor fellow who ended up in such a circumstance. He ended up having 287,345 heart attacks, losing 5,137 wives, got fired from at least 100,000 jobs, and was run over by a truck. His Visa card was also revoked. Nobody liked him anymore. Finally, he resigned to the idea of not dying, and was immediately hit by a meteorite and vaporized. But his cells went on to experience even more bad luck.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
The Amish Virus
You have just received the Amish virus. As the Amish don't have any technology or programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your cooperation.
You have just received the Amish virus. As the Amish don't have any technology or programming experience, this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thank you for your cooperation.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Hello Tech Support?
Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry,I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5,of the user guide it clearly states that I
need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now,can you give me the
number for Jack?"
Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry,I don't understand who you are talking about".
Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5,of the user guide it clearly states that I
need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now,can you give me the
number for Jack?"
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Why Men Are Happier
Men can play with toys all their life, mainly their knives.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relative on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
For men, wrinkles add character.
Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
Men have one mood all the time.
A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
Men can open all their own jars.
Men can play with toys all their life, mainly their knives.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relative on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
For men, wrinkles add character.
Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
Men have one mood all the time.
A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
Men can open all their own jars.
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2006
- Messages
- 7,012
Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, "sorry, son, but I have some bad
news,
The donkey died."
Chuck replied, "well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that, I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "O.K., then just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "what ya' gonna do with him?"
Chuck answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuch said, "sure I can; watch me...I Just won't tell anybody he's
dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened
With the dead donkey?"
Chuck said, " raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets At two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898.00!!"
The farmer said, "didn't anyone complain?"
To which Chuck replied,, "just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back!!"
Chuck now works for the Federal Government.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, "sorry, son, but I have some bad
news,
The donkey died."
Chuck replied, "well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that, I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "O.K., then just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "what ya' gonna do with him?"
Chuck answered, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "you can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuch said, "sure I can; watch me...I Just won't tell anybody he's
dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened
With the dead donkey?"
Chuck said, " raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets At two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898.00!!"
The farmer said, "didn't anyone complain?"
To which Chuck replied,, "just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back!!"
Chuck now works for the Federal Government.
- Status